weresingle again?
They would start meeting new women, go ondates, and once they found a woman they liked andwere very attracted to, they'd spend most of theirtime with this one woman.
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
Friday, October 3, 2008
ARE WE SINGLE AGAIN?
weresingle again?
They would start meeting new women, go ondates, and once they found a woman they liked andwere very attracted to, they'd spend most of theirtime with this one woman.
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
And they would do something else...
They'd stop dating any other women they mighthave met and move into another relationship, eventhough they had just ended a relationship withanother women they felt strongly for because theydidn't want a "serious relationship."
It almost didn't make sense when I firststarted to recognize this pattern.
But keep in mind, even though these thingsdon't always make sense to women, they makePERFECT sense to the men going through them.
Does this situation with men ever frustrate youor leave you feeling like men have NO CLUE whatthey're doing?
Here's the problem...
When a man says one of these things, heactually MEANS something that is different fromwhat a woman would mean if she said the samewords.
Let me explain.
If a woman says, "I'm going to stay home andrelax today," she probably means that she's goingto stay home, make sure that her house and life isin order, catch up on chores and bills, and thenmaybe watch some shows on tv.
If a MAN says that he's going to stay home andrelax, he's probably going to watch some sports,drink beer, look at pictures of women on theinternet, and order take-out food.
IMPORTANT NOTICE: If you are reading this rightnow and you are a woman who watches sports, drinksbeer, looks at pictures of women on the internet,and orders take out to relax, then contact meimmediately at the email address below.
Ok, enough kidding around.
Back to our topic...
Men are DIFFERENT from women. And the wordsthey use often don't mean what they SOUND likethey mean.
So, the FIRST thing that you have to getthrough your head is that just because a man SAYSsomething to you, it doesn't always mean what youTHINK it means.
Catch my meaning?
THE BIG SECRET HE ISN'T TELLING YOU
There's a secret that men never happen tomention about what they want with a woman, whythey date, and what it means for them to have arelationship.
Unfortunately, for the good women who aretrying to create a great relationship with aman... and hoping that if they try hard enough tomake him happy with them so he'll stay... thislittle secret is causing a LOT of pain andfrustration.
The SECRET is that most men DO want arelationship with an amazing woman.
BUT... (and this is an important insight - itmight take you a few hours, days, or even weeks tostart to understand it for yourself)
Men only want a relationship with a woman whoalready has about 100 other qualities that theynever mention and could probably never list ordescribe even if they were asked to.
And they'll only end up emotionally involvedand not RESISTING a long term relationship if theyexperience for themselves a woman who proves shehas these qualities over time.
In other words, if a man says, "I need to bealone right now," what he REALLY means is:
I want a woman who will make me FEEL betterwhen I'm with her than I do in my everyday life asa single man.
The REALITY is that when a man says one ofthese "I want my freedom" statements, he actuallyhas an IDEAL woman in mind who understands who heis and won't make it feel like "work" when he'swith her.
A man wants a woman who knows how to have andenjoy a relationship... instead of one who spendsher time and energy trying to analyze, worry about, and "fix" things.
The reality of this situation is that what aman REALLY wants is a woman who makes him feelMORE of the EMOTIONAL and PHYSICAL response I liketo call ATTRACTION... and LESS of the worry andconfusion that men don't often like, or know howto deal with, that comes from "working" on aserious relationship.
For most men, feeling and sharing attraction ona physical and emotional level IS the defintion ofa good relationship.
Of course, I'm not just talking about thecommon "short-term" kind of attraction that'smostly physical...
You already know that a relationship takes awhole lot more than just this kind of thing toreally work and LAST.
I'm also talking about the more "long-term"kind of attraction that comes from a deeperEMOTIONAL connection and understanding.
A man wants a woman who makes him FEEL great,both when he's with her... AND when he's alone.
In other words, they want a woman who knows howto be loving and affectionate, but independent atthe same time.
But most men either can't describe the thingsthat actually make them feel this kind ofCONNECTION and ATTRACTION with a woman, or theydon't WANT to have to describe it to a woman,because they want a woman who already IS thosethings... without having to learn them.
Think about it.
If you were hiring a bodyguard, would you wantone that said, "Yeah, I can be a bodyguard. Justgive me some time to learn..." or would you wantone that already KNEW how to protect and defendat anytime, anywhere without having to "learn"?
Duh.
Well, the same goes with men.
They don't WANT a woman they have to train.
The last thing a man wants to do, is to take awoman who DOESN'T "naturally" understand thesethings, and show her what they are and how theywork.
If you don't already know how to relate to aman in a way that appeals to him and shows himthat you "get" all these things, then no amount of"talking things through" or trying to improvethings together is going to help you or make himstart seeing you as the woman he wants to staywith.
WHAT IS A "COOL GIRL"?
Lately I've been thinking a lot about the ideaof a "Cool Girl."
You hear most men using the term, and somewomen.
Men everywhere, without ever having talked toeach other, share a common idea about women anduse the term "Cool Girl" universally.
In some places the actual words are different,but the idea is the same.
But what does it actually MEAN?
And is it important that men all have thiscommon belief about women?
Well, after thinking about this particulartopic for a long time, I've come to the conclusionthat it is a VERY important topic.
At this point, I believe that a COOL GIRL isthis "ideal" that men imagine when they're saying"I want my freedom."
They're thinking of the COOL GIRL, and thenthey're imagining themselves with a woman who isthis way.
There are a lot of aspects to this COOL GIRL.
Here are a few that are important:
- Lack of Insecurities
- Easygoing
- Humor
- Unpredictability
- Independent
- Emotionally "balanced"
...and the list goes on.
It's actually not easy to describe a COOL GIRLin a few sentences... but the truth is that a mancan recognize one INSTANTLY.
For more on exactly what a COOL GIRL is, howthey naturally communicate with men in a way thatmakes men think, "This is the kind of woman that Ican see myself committing and staying with..."
Then check out my "Catch Him & Keep Him" eBook.
Not only does it describe how men think when itcomes to dating and why they commit to and stay inrelationships with women... but it shows you howto start interacting with men and create a deepergut-level emotional attraction with a manIMMEDIATELY.
You can download it here and be reading it injust a minute:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
THE MISTAKE WOMEN MAKE
Now, there's a common and often irreversiblemistake that women make with men when they'redating and in relationships.
Let me ask you...
If you wanted to get closer to a man, have himsee you as a great person, develop a strongconnection, and get him to "open up" with you,then it would makes sense to do and say the thingsthat you know work to create more love andaffection, right?
This is the first inclination most women havewith men - to do the things that THEY think createlove and connection.
What if a man did this with you?
What if he decided that you worked the way hedid, and so he decided to come up to you and starttalking about sex, sports, and quickly get closeto you physically?
A man might quickly be drawn in by a woman whodid these things (not for all the right reasons,of course), but that doesn't mean he should betrying them with a woman if he wants any kind ofsuccess.
In other words, the things that work FOR YOU asa woman are NOT what work for a MAN.
Thinking this way couldn't lead to worseresults in dating situations and relationships.
But TONS of women use this tactic of what Icall "Selfish Love." They treat a man the way theywould want to be treated if they were going toshare love and connection with a man.
Another common mistake women make is takingsomething that a man SAYS he wants and doing itTOO MUCH, thinking that if "A little bit isgood, then more must be better."
For instance, a man SAYS to you that he likeswomen who are physical and affectionate". So, youstart touching him all the time, grab his hand andhold it everywhere you go, and always stay rightnext to him.
Then what happens?
He leaves you for his ex-girlfriend aftertelling you he feels like you're too "needy."
Huh? What's going on here?
This would be kind of like a woman saying, "Myfavorite food is chocolate" and a man thinking itwould be good to feed her chocolate for every mealjust because it's her favorite... or addingchocolate to every single dish he makes for herfrom now on... and forgetting that 97% of whatshe eats still needs to be OTHER FOOD.
Let me land the plane for you.
Men don't MEAN what you THINK they mean whenthey talk about what they want and don't want.
And if you take the things men say tooliterally, you're going to wind up shootingyourself in the foot.
WHAT MEN REALLY MEAN...
So, let me "decode" what men "really" mean whenthey say common things.
Consider this your own personal "male languagetranslator." Refer to it often.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I don't want a serious relationship right now."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I ONLY WANT A RELATIONSHIP with a woman whoalready has her act together, is attractive,healthy, independent, easy-going, confident, andwho is emotionally in control of herself and herown life. When we're together I want her to shareher feelings and challenge and inspire me to keepher love and interest, and to be a great man...but I also want her to know how to do this withouttrying to change me or turning our relationshipinto MORE WORK and LESS FUN than I can have on myown."
Does this make sense?
Again, he's NOT imagining a picture of anoverly-emotional, predictable, needy woman who istrying to get him to connect with her and sharingher feelings because she's so worried about things"working out."
Big difference.
WHEN A MAN SAYS...
"I want an independent woman."
WHAT HE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a woman who doesn't get upset about pettythings and who knows how to keep her head whenthings get tough or confusing. But, I also wanther to be in touch with her feelings so that: 1.She doesn't repress her emotions and end up morefrustrated and resentful of me, and... 2. Whenshe's alone and intimate with me, she's open and"present"... and she'll share her love andaffection freely."
What a man is NOT doing is making a picture ofa passive woman whose entire mood and state ofmind is dependent on what she thinks is the stateof her relationship and what it means that a mandid or said something.
WHEN A WOMAN SAYS:
"I want a guy who's a good communicator."
WHAT SHE REALLY MEANS IS...
"I want a guy who doesn't talk all the time,because he knows how to let me know what's on hismind without using words. I want the kind of guythat can touch me in a certain way and I feeltingles all over my body. And I want the kind ofguy that can say things in a way that Iunderstand... not crudely and man-like."
WHAT MAKES A MAN FEEL COMFORTABLE AND HAPPY WITH AWOMAN
You might not see this right now, but for mostmen, there's nothing more important than knowingthat he makes a woman feel great when she's withhim.
Seriously.
Think "ego."
If you think this truth about men through,you'll start to have a shift in perspective andsee something you've probably never seen before.
When a woman comes to a man and wants to talkabout something she thinks is wrong in theirrelationship, oftentimes a man gets upset notbecause he doesn't want to listen to the woman ortalk...
But because it's difficult for him to come toterms with the idea that the woman could beunhappy with him.
A man thinks, "It makes me feel like less of aman since I don't make her happy. If she'sunhappy, then somewhere inside I must not be goodenough."
Imagine if a man was constantly expressing hisfeelings about your relationship to you thatseemed disappointed and frustrated.
How would it make you feel?
Sure, as a woman you might think to yourselfthat you'd talk to him about it and try and makethings better...
But really you'd start to have one of 2 thingscome into your mind either consciously orsubconsciously:
1. Something really is wrong with YOU and the wayyou are in the relationship, and he's trying totell you...
2. Something is wrong with HIM and how HE thinksand feels that has nothing to do with you, andit's his own "bad thinking" about HIMSELF that'smaking him obsessively unhappy...
Either way, a whole lot MORE DISTANCE iscreated between you two.
Now, lots of women draw the conclusion thatthis means you should try and pretend things areok when they're not.
That when you're not having the physical andemotional connection with a man you know ispossible, that you can't communicate how you feelwith a man.
WRONG.
My point: If you want to learn how to connectwith a man on a deeper level, then what you sayisn't the most IMPORTANT thing.
It's HOW and WHEN you say it.
I'll tell you something -
Learning the secrets of communicating with aman and creating a deep level of Physical and"Emotional Attraction" can be very rewarding.
A lot of women know EXACTLY what it's like tobe in a relationship with a man who has NOINTENTION of committing to something more serious.
In other words, he's not feeling that powerfulgut-level ATTRACTION for you that makes all thefear and excuses for NOT being with you andbuilding a great life and partnership go awaywithout RESISTANCE.
Do you know how to make a man FEEL this waywhen he's with you.
Or are you still trying to "CONVINCE" him withwords and your own knowledge and "logic" that aclose, loving, lasting relationship with him willmake him and you happy together?
Well, let me tell you...
Just like all the other things that a man"says" that he wants and doesn't want with awoman... that most women don't ever "get", beingthe woman a man is NATURALLY ATTRACTED to on adeep level is one of the BIG ONES.
This kind of attraction is THE thing that willmake a man who "says" he doesn't want a seriousrelationship beg a woman for a real commitment anda future together.
If you understand the secrets of how attractionworks for a man, you will notice that men willstart to behave VERY differently around you
HOW YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MAN
HOW YOU CAN KEEP YOUR MAN
I want you to think about it again with a few things you've already learned here...
Does what you do and say with the man in your life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open up in a way he never has before with a woman?
Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by a woman?
Think about him for a second... and try and put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds...
Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here too... and how to get them heard.
In this email I'm going to share with you a few inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you could accidentally be getting in the way of the great connection the man in your life feels when he's with you.
If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right way, it can be the foundation for creating a great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit to with him.
If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned,
or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and questioning... then starting a real relationship with a man is going to be practically impossible.
I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and what he wants in a relationship with you before he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you share and discover what it means to HIM is a surefire way to ruin a good thing. Please... don't do it.
The problem is, most women don't Consciously choose to put the cart before the horse with aman.
It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action and take over.
There's nothing wrong with having your feelings, or with sharing them.
It's healthy and important to share what's on your mind and how you feel.
But HOW you share what you think and feel with A man is what makes all the difference.
I'm going to show you how, without knowing it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you in the first place, he'll do something that can easily spell the beginning of the end-
He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and question EVERYTHING about whether you're the right woman for him to be with and STAY with.
Which brings me to an important question I want to ask you.
And please, answer this as honestly as you can... as this is something that can help you immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and pulling away from you... could it be possible that something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you?
And that the more you sense his hesitation and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants to stay in your relationship... the more you subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear and do things that only push him farther away?
Don't accidentally show a man things that will unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a "casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only want to be with you as long as it's easy and convenient for him.
I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and committed, but only be thinking of you "for now."
On the other hand... if you know the right things to say and do that will instantly show him that you're the kind of woman who he would be better off with than without... then he'll quickly shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a guy interested at first... but HARD to find that one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and connection into a great and lasting relationship that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his mind, then it's time you stopped the common pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new "relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this man than it was with "the others"... even though he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken
(again) when you find your back in the same place you swore you wouldn't get into after your last relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes early on when "dating" and in new relationships that literally cause a man to shift his thinking and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his "freedom" and not being "ready" for a real relationship.
Don't let this happen to you, when you know you are finally with the right man and you just need to get your relationship to the right place for love to keep blossoming.
It doesn't have to work this way where a man always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what really works with a man and what the few simple things are a man needs to see, feel, and experience with you along the way so that he doesn't question wanting to be with you and only you.
Don't keep making the single biggest mistake that causes a man to react and bring an early end to your growing relationship.
I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
I'll explain it briefly like this...
*And here's an article I've posted online that'sall about this mistake, and what to do instead to draw the right man to you and have him quickly fall for you and want the kind of relationship that will grow and last:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant
Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure is the right one for you... you can just feel it.
When you're together, you feel more comfortable than you can remember feeling with any man.
You feel like you've known this man most of your life... even though you've only just met.
And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's no doubt in your mind - this could be the right one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice little groove of spending most of your time together and practically living your lives alone.
But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks or months.
And then it happens-
He does something that let's you know he mightn't be truly "in this" with you.
Something about how he talks or acts tips you off to the fact that something has changed or shifted about him.
So what do you do...
You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting weird and different... and you tell him that it's kind of freaking you out and hurting your feelings.
You expect him to listen, hear you, and respond in the sweet and loving way you've known him to be the whole time you've been with him.
But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've never seen before.
Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer affectionate, and you can tell he's holding backhand closed off to you.
You decide to ask him what the deal is, and what this relationship means to him.
You've got to know. Especially since your heart is out there on the line... and who knows what's really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how
he's feeling... and the more you want to let him know what's happening for you with all this... the less he's open to talking.
In fact, the less he even wants to spend time with you - where before he wanted to be with you whenever he had free time.
Now he's off wanting to hang out with his friends, or leaving town, etc.
Or worse, you learn he's out with another woman.
Argggh... what a jerk!
You can't help wonder what in the world is going on here, and inside his mind.
And then it hits you after him pulling away completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a great relationship, and you felt how real and special what you shared was... this wasn't a "real" relationship at all.
He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his behavior now shows you that it was this way all along.
You just didn't see it before.
But he seemed so into you and your relationship, so how could he have all of a sudden changed his mind and pulled away?
Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an amazing and special connection with her that he's never shared with another woman... and he can have no desire to get into a "relationship"with her. Even after several weeks or months of amazing time spent together.
For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment"In His Heart
There's something important you need to know about men and how they "date."
A man can be with a woman, have very strong
feelings for her, and want to spend all his time with that woman... and be completely content with the situation only being something he wants to be in "for now."
A man can even say that he cares for and loaves a woman... but still only have that "for now" feeling.
On the other hand, when a man feels a different set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings where when he builds a relationship with a woman,it's not with the intention of doing it just "for now"... but FOREVER.
Now that you know about these 2 important aspects of how men think... I think you're ready to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship"I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a man in a way that tells him she's already in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they ever have one and the man has developed the feelings and the desire to truly commit.
when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in a long-term committed relationship has of a man,but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant attraction killer for a man.
Not only does it kill the attraction a man feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving ahead in a more serious relationship.
By the way, you've already heard men talk about women who make the Instant Relationship mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about all this.
This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes just referred to by men as a woman being "needy" or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling these things about a woman goes much much deeper than just words and names.
If you want a man to stay open to you and to creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will grow and last... then I have one simple piece of advice-
Now that you know what the Instant Relationships, and all the behavior that goes along with it that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like you're in an instant relationship with a man.
That is, unless you want to send him running for the hills. To learn more about how to avoid making the mistakes that show a man you're "needy" with him in the Instant Relationship kind of way... andto know exactly what to do instead to attract the right man and have him wanting your new relationship to grow you need to check this out:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
To learn exactly what you can do to identify the right man for you, quickly capture his interest and attention... and have him PURSUING YOU and asking you for a more serious relationship, the secrets I show you in my "Meeting The One" program will make life and starting your new relationship with a man fun and easy.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere - when you can quickly shift things into gear with a few small changes that will have the man you want PURSUING YOU for a relationship.
Check out the free tips and video clips of me
teaching what to do and say to attract the right man for you and start a great relationship where you don't have to do all the "work" right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
And here's something you'll want to know...
Trying to figure things out on your own with a man - and hoping you'll suddenly startreconnecting with him when things haven't beengoing well for days, weeks, or even months - islike making a risky bet with money you can'tafford to lose.
Luckily, there is a way to start removingsome of the "risk" and the guesswork thatkeeping a man feeling deeply committed to youand your relationship can be.
If you want to start removing the guesswork for yourself of what to do or say next,what a man is feeling, and why he's seemsunexcited about being with you and growingcloser... then I STRONGLY SUGGEST you checkout my "From Casual To Committed" CD or DVD program.
If you're ready to STOP experiencing theanxiety and uncertainty that comes from notknowing what will come next in your relationship...
And you'd like to START getting back tothe fun, growing, passionate relationship you know is possible when you both feel greatabout being around each other and gettingcloser, then here's what I'll do for you...
I'll send you a copy of my "From Casual ToCommitted" program FREE right now.
And I'll give you an entire month to tryit out and work with all the material inside.
I'll even pay the shipping upfront to get it to you.
That's how sure I am that you're going to
have amazing and near-instant changes, growth,and transformation in your relationship.
All you have to do is let me know you'dlike to try this amazing program right now,and I'll send it out to you immediately.
Then take a full month to work with allthe material.
Of course, if you don't quickly get allthe results you want, go ahead and send theprogram back to me and you won't pay a thing.
No questions asked.
It's really that simple.
And there's nothing to lose - other than that anxious feeling that comes from theuncertainty of not knowing how to get yourrelationship back on track and growing again.
So go here and get your risk-free copy of this program now, and be on your way to the committed, secure, lasting relationship you know is possible with the man in your life:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luckin life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. If you haven't read my eBook, it's thebest place to start with my materials, andthe FOUNDATION for all my programs. You candownload a free trial copy right now and bereading it in just a few minutes if you gohere:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
P.P.S. Do NOT forget to add me to your email whitelist. You don’t want to miss ANY of my greatnewsletters
Does what you do and say with the man in your life INSPIRE HIM to want more with you and to open up in a way he never has before with a woman?
Or does he feel TIRED and DRAINED by you and your relationship... and he CLOSES OFF the way a man will when he feels emotionally overwhelmed by a woman?
Think about him for a second... and try and put YOUR SIDE of things and what you think he should be thinking or doing aside.
How is he feeling?
And how is he experiencing you and your relationship?
Think about it for a few seconds...
Oh, and don't worry - I'll get to talking about how to make sure YOUR FEELINGS are a priority here too... and how to get them heard.
In this email I'm going to share with you a few inside secrets from a man's perspective on how you could accidentally be getting in the way of the great connection the man in your life feels when he's with you.
If this CONNECTION is nurtured in the right way, it can be the foundation for creating a great RELATIONSHIP a man will beg you to commit to with him.
If this CONNECTION is over-analyzed, questioned,
or clouded up by too much fear and anxiety and questioning... then starting a real relationship with a man is going to be practically impossible.
I'm sure you've heard of that whole "putting the cart before the horse" thing.
Trying to get a man to know how he feels and what he wants in a relationship with you before he's even had chance to enjoy the CONNECTION you share and discover what it means to HIM is a surefire way to ruin a good thing. Please... don't do it.
The problem is, most women don't Consciously choose to put the cart before the horse with aman.
It's their EMOTIONS that call them to action and take over.
There's nothing wrong with having your feelings, or with sharing them.
It's healthy and important to share what's on your mind and how you feel.
But HOW you share what you think and feel with A man is what makes all the difference.
I'm going to show you how, without knowing it, you could be killing that special CONNECTION and the ATTRACTION a man feels for you.
When you get in the way of what makes a man FEEL that intense ATTRACTION that drew him to you in the first place, he'll do something that can easily spell the beginning of the end-
He'll CLOSE OFF to his DESIRE for you... and question EVERYTHING about whether you're the right woman for him to be with and STAY with.
Which brings me to an important question I want to ask you.
And please, answer this as honestly as you can... as this is something that can help you immediately.
Here's the question...
If you have a man who's acting WITHDRAWN and pulling away from you... could it be possible that something YOU are doing is somehow keeping him from feeling INSPIRED to want to be with you?
And that the more you sense his hesitation and UNCERTAINTY about you and whether he wants to stay in your relationship... the more you subtly REACT and RESPOND to this out of fear and do things that only push him farther away?
Don't accidentally show a man things that will unconsciously shift his feelings for you to a "casual" relationship in his mind where he'll only want to be with you as long as it's easy and convenient for him.
I call this the "For Now" Relationship.
A man could be with you, be faithful and committed, but only be thinking of you "for now."
On the other hand... if you know the right things to say and do that will instantly show him that you're the kind of woman who he would be better off with than without... then he'll quickly shift to what I call a "Forever" Relationship with you.
This is where a man doesn't just think of you and love you "for now", but forever.
*Tip: If you're finding that it's EASY to get a guy interested at first... but HARD to find that one truly RIGHT MAN and turn your chemistry and connection into a great and lasting relationship that LASTS and goes deeper than "for now" in his mind, then it's time you stopped the common pattern in your life too many other women share.
I'm talking about the pattern of:
1) meeting a new guy
2) getting instantly wrapped up in your new "relationship"
3) telling yourself it's different this time
4) finding out it's not that different with this man than it was with "the others"... even though he's a good guy
5) trying the same things you've always tried to fix what's not working so he'll figure it out
6) feeling shocked, drained and heartbroken
(again) when you find your back in the same place you swore you wouldn't get into after your last relationship
7) thinking you should give up on men and love altogether
Why is this pattern so common?
Here's one of the big pieces of the puzzle...
Too many women make the same set of mistakes early on when "dating" and in new relationships that literally cause a man to shift his thinking and feelings 180 degrees back to wanting his "freedom" and not being "ready" for a real relationship.
Don't let this happen to you, when you know you are finally with the right man and you just need to get your relationship to the right place for love to keep blossoming.
It doesn't have to work this way where a man always PULLS AWAY and RESISTS your love and your relationship.
It can be easy. But only if you learn what really works with a man and what the few simple things are a man needs to see, feel, and experience with you along the way so that he doesn't question wanting to be with you and only you.
Don't keep making the single biggest mistake that causes a man to react and bring an early end to your growing relationship.
I call this mistake the "Instant Relationship."
I'll explain it briefly like this...
*And here's an article I've posted online that'sall about this mistake, and what to do instead to draw the right man to you and have him quickly fall for you and want the kind of relationship that will grow and last:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
Ok, back to explaining the "Instant
Relationship."
You know how when you meet a man you're sure is the right one for you... you can just feel it.
When you're together, you feel more comfortable than you can remember feeling with any man.
You feel like you've known this man most of your life... even though you've only just met.
And the CONNECTION you share is so amazing and filled with excitement and CHEMISTRY that there's no doubt in your mind - this could be the right one.
As time goes on, you and he fall into a nice little groove of spending most of your time together and practically living your lives alone.
But it hasn't been long at all. A few weeks or months.
And then it happens-
He does something that let's you know he mightn't be truly "in this" with you.
Something about how he talks or acts tips you off to the fact that something has changed or shifted about him.
So what do you do...
You ask him about it.
And you ask him to explain why he's acting weird and different... and you tell him that it's kind of freaking you out and hurting your feelings.
You expect him to listen, hear you, and respond in the sweet and loving way you've known him to be the whole time you've been with him.
But suddenly he shows you a side of him you've never seen before.
Suddenly he's no longer open, no longer affectionate, and you can tell he's holding backhand closed off to you.
You decide to ask him what the deal is, and what this relationship means to him.
You've got to know. Especially since your heart is out there on the line... and who knows what's really going on inside his head now.
But the more you need to hear from him on how
he's feeling... and the more you want to let him know what's happening for you with all this... the less he's open to talking.
In fact, the less he even wants to spend time with you - where before he wanted to be with you whenever he had free time.
Now he's off wanting to hang out with his friends, or leaving town, etc.
Or worse, you learn he's out with another woman.
Argggh... what a jerk!
You can't help wonder what in the world is going on here, and inside his mind.
And then it hits you after him pulling away completely-
As much as you knew this was going to be a great relationship, and you felt how real and special what you shared was... this wasn't a "real" relationship at all.
He wasn't really "in it" with you - and his behavior now shows you that it was this way all along.
You just didn't see it before.
But he seemed so into you and your relationship, so how could he have all of a sudden changed his mind and pulled away?
Let's break it down on what's going on here.
There are a few fascinating things going on you need to know about...
1) Men have different "Relationship Tempos"
A man can be with a woman, experience an amazing and special connection with her that he's never shared with another woman... and he can have no desire to get into a "relationship"with her. Even after several weeks or months of amazing time spent together.
For a man, the CONNECTION does not equal relationship.
2) A Man Has More Than One Kind Of "Commitment"In His Heart
There's something important you need to know about men and how they "date."
A man can be with a woman, have very strong
feelings for her, and want to spend all his time with that woman... and be completely content with the situation only being something he wants to be in "for now."
A man can even say that he cares for and loaves a woman... but still only have that "for now" feeling.
On the other hand, when a man feels a different set of feelings inside himself with a woman, he can quickly start to feel the "Forever" feelings where when he builds a relationship with a woman,it's not with the intention of doing it just "for now"... but FOREVER.
Now that you know about these 2 important aspects of how men think... I think you're ready to see what I mean by the "Instant Relationship"I mentioned earlier, and how it's a huge mistake tons of women make with men that drive them away.
The Instant Relationship mistake is when a woman starts talking, feeling, and acting with a man in a way that tells him she's already in a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP with him - before they ever have one and the man has developed the feelings and the desire to truly commit.
when the EXPECTATIONS a woman has for a man are the kinds of expectations a woman who is in a long-term committed relationship has of a man,but there is no commitment yet - it is an instant attraction killer for a man.
Not only does it kill the attraction a man feels for a woman... but it actually makes a man NOT want to explore a relationship with that woman.
For men, when a woman falls into an "Instant Relationship" with them, it's the #1 turn off and a guaranteed way to make a man rethink moving ahead in a more serious relationship.
By the way, you've already heard men talk about women who make the Instant Relationship mistake, and you know how men talk and feel about all this.
This "Instant Relationship" thing is sometimes just referred to by men as a woman being "needy" or "clingy."
But the impact of a man seeing or feeling these things about a woman goes much much deeper than just words and names.
If you want a man to stay open to you and to creating a REAL RELATIONSHIP that can and will grow and last... then I have one simple piece of advice-
Now that you know what the Instant Relationships, and all the behavior that goes along with it that kills attraction inside men... DO NOT act like you're in an instant relationship with a man.
That is, unless you want to send him running for the hills. To learn more about how to avoid making the mistakes that show a man you're "needy" with him in the Instant Relationship kind of way... andto know exactly what to do instead to attract the right man and have him wanting your new relationship to grow you need to check this out:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
To learn exactly what you can do to identify the right man for you, quickly capture his interest and attention... and have him PURSUING YOU and asking you for a more serious relationship, the secrets I show you in my "Meeting The One" program will make life and starting your new relationship with a man fun and easy.
Don't keep repeating the same patterns of chemistry, dating, and having it go nowhere - when you can quickly shift things into gear with a few small changes that will have the man you want PURSUING YOU for a relationship.
Check out the free tips and video clips of me
teaching what to do and say to attract the right man for you and start a great relationship where you don't have to do all the "work" right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/MeetingTheOne
And here's something you'll want to know...
Trying to figure things out on your own with a man - and hoping you'll suddenly startreconnecting with him when things haven't beengoing well for days, weeks, or even months - islike making a risky bet with money you can'tafford to lose.
Luckily, there is a way to start removingsome of the "risk" and the guesswork thatkeeping a man feeling deeply committed to youand your relationship can be.
If you want to start removing the guesswork for yourself of what to do or say next,what a man is feeling, and why he's seemsunexcited about being with you and growingcloser... then I STRONGLY SUGGEST you checkout my "From Casual To Committed" CD or DVD program.
If you're ready to STOP experiencing theanxiety and uncertainty that comes from notknowing what will come next in your relationship...
And you'd like to START getting back tothe fun, growing, passionate relationship you know is possible when you both feel greatabout being around each other and gettingcloser, then here's what I'll do for you...
I'll send you a copy of my "From Casual ToCommitted" program FREE right now.
And I'll give you an entire month to tryit out and work with all the material inside.
I'll even pay the shipping upfront to get it to you.
That's how sure I am that you're going to
have amazing and near-instant changes, growth,and transformation in your relationship.
All you have to do is let me know you'dlike to try this amazing program right now,and I'll send it out to you immediately.
Then take a full month to work with allthe material.
Of course, if you don't quickly get allthe results you want, go ahead and send theprogram back to me and you won't pay a thing.
No questions asked.
It's really that simple.
And there's nothing to lose - other than that anxious feeling that comes from theuncertainty of not knowing how to get yourrelationship back on track and growing again.
So go here and get your risk-free copy of this program now, and be on your way to the committed, secure, lasting relationship you know is possible with the man in your life:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/FCTC
I'll talk to you again soon, and best of luckin life and love.
Your Friend,
Christian Carter
P.S. If you haven't read my eBook, it's thebest place to start with my materials, andthe FOUNDATION for all my programs. You candownload a free trial copy right now and bereading it in just a few minutes if you gohere:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/eBook
P.P.S. Do NOT forget to add me to your email whitelist. You don’t want to miss ANY of my greatnewsletters
I'll start here:
What do you think is the single most importantthing that makes or breaks your new relationship?
I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created andshared between you both... the single most important part of your new relationship is thelevel of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
All the very best secrets I've discovered afteryears of research, observation, and helping womenquickly turn their relationships around is right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/CommunicationSecrets
I'll get right to the point regarding how this important part of relationships is workingout for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life communicate make you feel loved and appreciated?
Or does it only frustrate you and make you feel sad, alone, and misunderstood?
If you don't know what to say to a man to start open conversations about your relationship and the feelings you're both having without triggering him to pull away... then creating a real relationship where you can truly love and support each other is going to be an impossible struggle.
There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and share his feelings with you... even if he's never been this way before in a relationship?
The reality is, most men don't just open up and communicate the way you want and need them to.
And because of this, lots of women end up trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing all the "work" in their relationship.
Of course, this just drains you and encourages the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more.
The things that allow you and a man to listen, hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in your relationship.
Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each other, it doesn't mean you're going to have thekind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOTgoing to make the lack of communication and sharing you have in your relationship better.
But you're thoughtful and generous for tryingthis and caring enough to give even more of yourself.
Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the pointof frustration and emotional break-down isn't going to help you - or him.
So then what should you do?
There are a few essential "keys" to building an "open line" of communication in your relationship with a man that will prevent him from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming distant no matter what happens between you.
Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with aman (even the most intense ones that scare you too)so that instead of getting irritated or freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive and understanding way?
I've been able to boil down the complex process of what makes talking and communicationin your relationship work so that the more youshare - the more a man is drawn to you and wantsto give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is the "hidden message" behind what you're saying toa man that even you aren't fully aware of - but have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and theresponse deep down you really want from him.
Each time you try and share something with a man, and each time he responds to you (or doesn't)... there's a subtle message being communicated under the surface.
And this is going on even if you don't seethis right now, or believe it's there or not.
Each communication has what's called a "bid"to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" thatis what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now" and do it with a tone of voice that shows he'sfrustrated or annoyed.
This is a "bid."
What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is-
What do you think is the single most importantthing that makes or breaks your new relationship?
I'll tell you-
After that initial ATTRACTION is created andshared between you both... the single most important part of your new relationship is thelevel of COMMUNICATION you and a man share.
All the very best secrets I've discovered afteryears of research, observation, and helping womenquickly turn their relationships around is right here:
http://www.CatchHimKeepHim.com/CommunicationSecrets
I'll get right to the point regarding how this important part of relationships is workingout for YOU-
Does the way you and the man in your life communicate make you feel loved and appreciated?
Or does it only frustrate you and make you feel sad, alone, and misunderstood?
If you don't know what to say to a man to start open conversations about your relationship and the feelings you're both having without triggering him to pull away... then creating a real relationship where you can truly love and support each other is going to be an impossible struggle.
There's an easier way...
Do you know the SECRETS that will make a man feel excited and inspired to talk, listen, and share his feelings with you... even if he's never been this way before in a relationship?
The reality is, most men don't just open up and communicate the way you want and need them to.
And because of this, lots of women end up trying to compensate by TALKING MORE and doing all the "work" in their relationship.
Of course, this just drains you and encourages the man you're with to WITHDRAW even more.
The things that allow you and a man to listen, hear and understand each other aren't "givens" in your relationship.
Just because you have strong FEELINGS for each other, it doesn't mean you're going to have thekind of COMMUNICATION you need to make your relationship truly work and LAST.
More love and sacrifice on your part is NOTgoing to make the lack of communication and sharing you have in your relationship better.
But you're thoughtful and generous for tryingthis and caring enough to give even more of yourself.
Unfortunately, stretching yourself to the pointof frustration and emotional break-down isn't going to help you - or him.
So then what should you do?
There are a few essential "keys" to building an "open line" of communication in your relationship with a man that will prevent him from closing off, withdrawing, and becoming distant no matter what happens between you.
Do you know how to share YOUR FEELINGS with aman (even the most intense ones that scare you too)so that instead of getting irritated or freaked out by them... he listens in a supportive and understanding way?
I've been able to boil down the complex process of what makes talking and communicationin your relationship work so that the more youshare - the more a man is drawn to you and wantsto give you love and understanding.
At the essence of what makes things work is the "hidden message" behind what you're saying toa man that even you aren't fully aware of - but have everything to do with YOUR FEELINGS and theresponse deep down you really want from him.
Each time you try and share something with a man, and each time he responds to you (or doesn't)... there's a subtle message being communicated under the surface.
And this is going on even if you don't seethis right now, or believe it's there or not.
Each communication has what's called a "bid"to it. And a "bid" is the hidden "subtext" thatis what we REALLY MEAN, or are really asking for.
For example, a man might say to you-
"Honey, I don't feel like talking right now" and do it with a tone of voice that shows he'sfrustrated or annoyed.
This is a "bid."
What a man REALLY MEANS when he says this is-
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)